1

On the day

We never met,

In a BART car

We both sat...

 

But you've never!..

I would find.

Yet... I saw you

On that line.

 

Trailed your glance

Glide plastic walls;

Then, from weary

Oatmeal tones

 

Hop to folks

Who rode along

And dance calmy

Past their roles:

 

Slide on lines

That midnights trace,

Mark the changeless 

In each face...

 

"Would you search

Them for a hole?

For a flash

Of burning soul?"

 

I'd get all spaced-out

And think...

Nowadays! Back then

Just sing:

 

"All the many souls

To save,

Rolling onwards 

In one grave!

 

All the many souls

Are blessed,

Rolling homewards

In a nest!

 

In their burning joy

Would bawl

Starry pulse

Upon the shawl!.."

 

...Worn by one

Two rows a head,

With a book

You wish you've read.

 

And the cover

Bore the scenes

From your dearest

Childhood dreams.

 

(In my theory,

At least,

For I saw

It smiled you pleased.)

 

Then you lingered

On that tide:

Through the window

Stared wayside.

 

Up a yellow

Mountain's form

To its tip

Of white unknown.

 

At a crowded city's

Stop

You watched children 

Muse and bop!

 

Then dull towns 

And clouds amass...

But, as you look down,

(Alas!)

 

Columned beams

And honeyed rays

Fell seraphic 

Through the gray!

 

How I yearned

To yell, to show!

But we weren't there...

I know.

 

Dusting off, 

The seraphs passed,

That's when you looked up,

At last.

 

And you scanned the car,

Once more,

Blinked... Then flinched!

For now you saw. . .

 

That each head 

Was bobbing fast

In a prison

Of unrest!

 

Every head

Was nodding fast

In a vision

Of unrest!

 

Or you didn't....

But I faced

All of that 

And fled my gaze:

 

Plastic walls...

(A snapping seam)

Oatmeal tones...

(How phantoms teem)

 

But where phantoms

Leave their post,

I find other sorts

Of ghost:

 

Where a male-shaped

Happy store's

Smile unfaced yours

Through the door.

 

And another

I once knew,

I heard rant

That he was you.

 

But few saw,

Much less knew why,

And no one (nor I)

Dared pry

 

When an elder,

Slight and dry,

Peeled away 

Into a sigh...

 

Then a woman 

Traced a cross.

Yet, was groaning

"I'm so lost!"

 

While a kitten

Screamed (Like yours?)

In fresh panic

From her purse!

 

Then the person

With the book 

Shut it 

With an ugly look!

 

Then the person

In the shawl

Took it off

To wrap a doll!

 

And the windows

Banished light;

While the train, gone

Tunnel-side,

 

Under miles of water

Bore

Pilgrims 

To another shore!

 

I felt weights

Of sea, of stone...

In a casket

I was bone...

 

And I shivered,

As if lashed...

I was cold...

I wore no flesh.

 

And my soul

Would rush in rage

At the frail bars

Of its cage:

 

From this nightmare,

Fought to flee.

Suddenly,

You looked at me.

 

No! How could you?

I was gone.

Into dust and fume

Was drawn.

 

While my soul 

Tossed free and fast

Through the train car,

At the glass...

 

It would smash

And fail and rail!..

'Til you caught it

By the tail;

 

And you knew

That it was mine,

Then you swigged

From your red wine.

 

But the rest

Of wine you had

To my soul 

You gently fed.

 

And, its crimson shimmer

Calmed,

It weaved lilac

Through your hold.

 

You inhaled

Eyelids dropped...

They unclasped

As you got up.

 

Screeching wheels,

Dark roaring past;

Rambling flooring

Heels would press.

 

Your first step 

Starts smooth and sure...

Next you're shaken,

Leaned on door.

 

Gage the distance,

Trace a path?

Eighteen options...

And you laughed.

 

Took an expert step, 

One more...

Bam! The train's flipped

Door and floor!

 

But a hand 

Arrests your fall.

You glanced back:

No one at all.

 

Just a book

Beside a doll sat

On the far seat

By the wall.

 

And layed sprawling

Down the row,

Padding floors,

That starry shawl.

 

And you walked

The dim-lit car

To my seat

From star to star.

 

You arrived

To where I crawled

Underneath 

A massive world.

 

And you said,

"I really like that...

You are practicing

Your crawl!"

"I am practicing

My fall still..."

 

"That one's tricky!..",

 Chimed-in soul.

...

And

...

On that day -

Beside all time -

We kept rolling

Down the line ...

 

2

Feelings crept -

Through each doubt -

Then just slept

Underground...

 

Sleep, girl! Sleep

Dreams to tell...

Go down deep;

Judge me well.

 

Garnet sweat,

Mid-length hair!

Dum-dums met;

Dum-dums snare

 

Eyes are red,

All is fair:

Dum-dums said;

Dum-dums care...

 

Shut, keen eyes,

Beating shine!

Sundance slides

Grey on brine.

 

Matching heads 

Train car benched;

Years fled,

Auburn-drenched.

 

Sleep, girl! Sleep

Past your stops.

Time would reap

Needed crops.

 

Why burn, why? 

When the day's

World on eye.

Sway, boy, sway!

 

3

I grow into a subtle fear of my phone:

The reversal of obsessive checking.

 

For a moment's street crossing

Berkeley crowds me in:

- Looming cop car, crossed strollers,

Flip my cig towards palm

A salute, that I'd care...

And it's children's world!

 

Just how fay grasses bend

Silver light, and I walk

Missing soul, out of code;

Who would now hear

How I should talk?

 

And while roaming 

Dwinelle's Labyrinthine halls 

That day

I find The Book of Tango

 

4

 

No more words, love is breath now

Dripping warm, 

        speak or stare

Stare or speak

You are home while

There is time

And a world

 

All the time

 In the world

Means

Never gone, sleep or not.

 

Not asleep;

Satin moonlight.

Think your name:

Feel you clasp.

 

Clasp to feel;

Kiss your eyelids:

All the time

Means you leave.

 

***

Are you gone? Are you there now?

Would you hear? Would you pause? 

I'll tie vows through my hairline

And I'll scream my best words 

 

Leave the cult, cease all science,

Cash all checks, close the store! 

See how stone gathers silence?

Feel how mold welcomes war?

 

Berkeley Bart, woman's crying,

''Baby, don't! I just care!

Pleeease don't sleep now, Tobias ,

Can you hear? Are you there?''

 

5

Now a week you're gone

...

From a tiny shore

Of a campus stream

I imbue the flow

Watching chimney smoke

And how true its waft

And the stream would flee

With tossing forms

For a moment

 

And every line was worth a pain

And every pain was forth a year 

How do we know where lovers hang?

Find fishes drowning in a mirror